Monday, January 14, 2008

Finding joy

According to the American Heritage Dictionary, “Inadequate” is defined as “Not adequate to fulfill a need or meet a requirement; insufficient.” Am I the only one who feels this way? – who feels “insufficient” at times?

As of late, I have been frequently letting myself get sucked into a giant inadequacy spiral. I compare myself to every other photographer on the web, and in the end I never want to pick up my camera again. I don’t even know what I expect of myself, all I know is that I’m not measuring up. I have several newborn sessions coming up (which are not easy to practice for with a one year old, by the way :o) and I feel so insufficient. People have often told me that they admire my confidence, and I always wonder what they mean. I know who I am and I have the drive to pursue my dreams, but more days that I care to admit, I just feel guilty & frustrated. The guilt because I feel like I should be better, and the frustration because I’m honestly trying. This used to bring me so much joy, but I just can’t seem to find it anymore. So, this was my attempt to find joy; to take pictures simply because I love it. Not comparing myself to anyone else. Just being me, taking pictures of the light of my life. This is how I see her through my lens. No flower, no outfit. Just her. And me. This is us. For more of her, go here.

14 comments:

Cassie said...

These are beautiful. I absolutely love them. The last one of the 2 of you is my favorite.

Erg, I'm so sorry you've been down lately. I hate the feelings your describing. I wish I had a magic spell to make them all go away.

I love you girl Sam. And I love your beautiful photography.

Jer, Er and kids said...

I love the pictures! A beautiful daughter and mother! I understand those feelings of inadequacy far more than I wish to admit. Some days it is one way or another, others it feels as if in every way.
I know that YOU are your hardest critic by far...let what others say filter in some too. You have an amazing talent and gift to capture people and life, I know that no one can change the feelings inside but know that what you are feeling about yourself is not the truth that I see or that others see. We love you!

Renee said...

You were brave to post this post. I think it's something that we ALL struggle with, but never admit to it...heaven forbid we acknowledge a weakness in public...we just struggle through it. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I always try to remember that it's Satan who is behind the whispers of comparison...Heavenly Father sees us for who we are...not for who we aren't!

By the way, these pictures are gorgeous! They are simple, but SO beautiful!

Kim said...

I felt like you were describing me. I have never been able to capture something so beautiful in my own life. I can't believe you took these yourself? Please tell me you had a timer? Or else I will feel inadequate.

Okay, since I have been in this situation, can I just say, stop looking? It is nothing but torture. I don't look at other sites (often) unless I am mentally ready and capable of handling it. I get really down on myself, and it takes me awhile to dig back out. When I need inspiration, I go back through my own work, what I liked, what I disliked and then I try to find some tutorial online of something I want to learn more of. I play with my camera and my kids and I just be for a while. I dunno if that helps, but seriously I stopped torturing myself a few months ago, because I can't measure up to THEM I can only measure up to MY potential and what I want to become! That being said, your work is amazing, and if I am being honest I come here at times feeling utterly talentless, as you have been doing this far less time than I have. It will come. Enjoy your MASSIVE natural light pit that is your home. Your photos are beautiful. Keep at it.

arianne said...

there is jus something about the last one that I love. i think we all have days like we feel like we can be better at this and that. Try to look at your very first picture you ever took and then look at your picturs today. Like I said on your other blog you are amazing and you need to give yourself more credit!! I just wish I could take a picture that is PERFECT! I envy you, Cass, and Kim for your talent in taking pictures!!

Jill said...

Does it help to know that this girl who is just starting out comes to your pages for inspiration?? I hope so, because I do. I think you are extremely talented, and I love what you do! YOU are an inspiration! Hold your head up high!!!
A fellow new photographer...
Jill

Jen said...

LOVE THEM! ok seriously you are so funny that you think you are inadequate as a photographer. I compare all of my pics to YOURS! :) and I am absolutely in LOVE with our family pics. I know its hard not to get caught up in the comparison game because I do the same thing. And its hard not to let a hobby turn into a project when you are making money from it. But stick with it. But obviously you are doing an amazing job because you keep getting clients! And someone is always going to be better, all you can do is try different techniques and just better yourself. I agree with Kim and stop looking at other photographers. You truly are amazing in everything! Friendship, mother, photographer. I really admire everything about you, and I am always amazed at how awesome you are and how many talents you have. Keep your head up, you will get through this, I know you will. Love ya! Jen

Kaarina said...

Stunning...You are gifted, truly. I love your photography for your own unique style. You bring out the raw emotion in your work. It simply amazes me and touches my heart - love ya Sam!

Sparkle said...

I wasn't going to write a comment because so many other people have said exactly what I was going to. Also, I hardly know you. But I want to add myself to the list of the many people you've inspired. I've been looking at your blog for six months and have been nothing but amazed with your work. Thank you for inspiring me!

Becky-M said...

You are amazing!! I would never see your photography as anything less the beautiful and perfect. (It's that "perfectionist" talking in you). You are so darling and half of being a good photographer is being personable which you totally are. I love all you're pictures of little Hollie!!

Leisha said...

I feel the EXACT same way all of the time. Part of me wants to practice, practice, practice and the other part just wants to leave my camera in its little bag and just let it be. I too hop from one photog website to another only hoping I can be like that one day. You take some amazing pictures though and I can tell you are fine tuning your process with every post. Love these pictures of you and your little girl. So amazing. Makes me want to take similar pictures with my kids.

Amanda said...

LOVE these pictures. I love how they are the two of you. No primping. You and your little one are gorgeous and you are an amazing photographer. No need to worry!

*Carly* said...

These photos are SO real! They are clean, pure, priceless and just the two of you. You included, your daughter is STUNNING! I did hair for years in California and still want to do it . I hated working next to other stylists. It was hard on my Esteem. I had to remind myself that that was their interpretation and that I could be inspired from it.That is what I LOVE about photography, is to be able to see the world through somebody elses eyes.These pictures are PRICELESS! Found your blog through Kim ;)

Doney Days said...

I just have to tell you that you do an amazing job at taking pictures! In fact, I told Dan a few weeks ago that I wished I could take pictures like you. You seem to capture the moment perfectly. I truly think you're doing a great job. Maybe you're suffering from the January blues. I know I am and I've been really hard on myself lately. Keep doing what you're doing!